stop looking at me

almost a month into this new world. in the third week, there was this endless dinner session with the ceo. she talked about plans, and visions, and ambitions. all good stuff.

and if i can't say for sure what my long term plans are, it is because i am still not fully settled yet. i am still trying to find my footing, find that rhythm that is totally my own.

i am gonna find my own branding. one day soon.

clueless i may be a lot of time, but the path to the target is much less cluttered and obscured here. how lucky i am to be INSPIRED.

i am still pacing myself. i wouldn't want to suffer from burn out too soon. and that is so hard to do. just when i am succeeding in that, i'd suddenly realise how lacking i am, how others are more advanced, and advantaged, than me due to their training in school. i wasn't schooled in that. sociology was a macro thing. it takes a while to reorientate my brain to go micro.

therefore, there's a lot of catching up to do. lots of reading and intensive clinical supervision. i need to work on the theoretical paradigm.

feeling lacking isn't good for the ego. but at least for this, i have a plan.

for the other thing, i don't =(

i am bothered, but i am scared that once it changes, the change will be uncontrollable.

so stop looking at me =|